Mutastic

Tonight I've been thinking a lot about animal hybrids. Mind you, I did spend all day at my ole alma mater, Seguin High School. I'm also gearing up for tomorrow night's premiere of the Syfy Channel Original Movie Sharktopus.

Just how does that happen?

I will use this opportunity to explain the birds and the bees to my four-year-old cousin: when a shark and an octopus love each other very much they have a mutant baby- "...that's why you have blond hair and your mom has brown."

Three cups of coffee and a re-run of 'Haven' later, all I've come up with is 'beird'- a bird and a bee hybrid. It could peck you and sting you at the same time.

I've recruited my roommate, to which her first response was, "'show,' as in a sheep and a cow." Take that Syfy channel.

My roommate told me that she can just imagine the type of guys who come up with ideas like Sharktopus. She is officially one of those guys, sans Hawaiian shirt, khaki cargo shorts and baseball cap, which is what I imagine "those guys" look like- sitting on plastic chairs in a circle in some trendy office space, drinking forties in Koozies. I've given this a lot of thought. Doesn't it sound amazing?

I think I will give up being a journalist and join the creative forces at Syfy.

There has to be some sort of animal hybrid generator. Yes, yes, there is! You can play God and create your own animal, they even make noise! This is what I do on a Friday night. It'll pay off... one day Syfy will call me up and ask me for movie ideas that involve mutant hybrid animals created by the military and I will tell them all about the sqrrk- a part squirrel, part bird, part shark that terrorizes Canadians.

Mutants, by their very nature, are supposed to be bloodthirsty. It doesn't matter if it's piranhas (regardless if they're in 3D), humans, sharks, birds, etc. However, mutants make us appreciate who we are and the things we have; the little things in life- they are a staple to American cinema and to society as a whole. Thank you, mutants, for helping me realize that I need to get out of the dorm more often.

Join in on the fun. Send me your animal hybrid ideas.